Sunday, August 30, 2009
Well today is a better day. I've managed to get almost all of my morning routine done. It took me most of the day, but I'm getting it done. There is also a race on which is taking some of my attention. Maybe I'll study while my race is one, then concentrate on cleaning Andrew's room. My thoughts are optimistic today! I'm excited and nervous and dreading my classes starting tomorrow. Why is it that I struggle with school so bad? Why do I quit turning in my assignments half way thru the term? I haven't found the answer to that yet. Let's just hope I don't suffer a low during my semester and all should be good right. What do I have to lose. I love reading and studying, even the most boring of subjects. My biggest obsticle with the online classes is the participation points. It just seems like my responses are redundant with what others have said. Of course, they're in my own words, but just seems silly. My house is still a mess but I've interacted with all of my children today and that makes me feel better about myself. I guess I should go finish up the last thing on my morning routine so I can say it's done then work on studying some and getting ahead in my classes.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Why am I feeling so unmotivated these days? My house is suffering, my marriage is suffering, my children are suffereing and my dreams are suffering. I'm in good spirits during the day so I know this isn't a low with my bipolar. I do know I want to get everything done, but getting up and doing anything is a challenge for me the last few days. What gives?! I have so many goals and dreams I want to achieve. I want to finish my classes, have a beautiful home and be a great mother to my children and a great wife to my husband. They all deserve it so much, but here I sit each and every day on my ass doing not much of anything. How will my life ever amount to anything living this way? How will I leave a good memory for my children when I'm gone? How will I ever accomplish anything? I've been given so much in life. A wonderful man to love, 3 gorgous children, a beautiful house and what do I do?! I waste each and every day away. My children will only be young once! I want to be the kind of mom that my children know they can come to me when they have a problem, that think I'm a great mom because I take the time out of my day to make them feel special by reading a book to them or spending time with them, or taking them somewhere special. What do I do?! I sit on the computer all day in a cleaning chatroom and what am I doing?! Definately not cleaning as you can tell from my house. My husband deserves a wife who is and acts like she's in love with him. Who wants to be intimate with him. I want to get thru my college education and make a difference in the look of american homes! I can't do that if I keep not passing my classes! I don't know what it is going to take to get me out of this funk but I need to figure out something!