Thursday, December 18, 2008

On Cloud 9!

Boy has alot happened since the last time I wrote! First, my stepdaughter. We had our court hearing. She failed to show up as usual. The judge issued an arrest warrent for the state of Michigan. Her child support is now being escrowed. That means it will go into an account until she complies with the court order. We have permission to use law enforcement help to get Mackenzie for Christmas break. I cannot wait to see BB's face when we show up on her door step with the cops behind us and demand she give Mackenzie to us!

Second, we are pregnant! It finally happened and I am so happy. I am now 7 weeks along. I found out early in the morning on the 21st of November. I'm super tired and have minimal morning sickness which is awesome. So much better than being nautious 24/7 like I was with Andrew's and Nikolas's pregnancies. Erek has been a gem, letting me get my much needed sleep during this yucky first trimester. My first doc apt is January 9th. We should have an ultrasound then I believe.

Telling the families:
That turned out mostly well. My mom guessed right after we found out. I dunno how she did but then I got a lecture about how she believes in 0 population growth and I need to stop having babies and I'm going to kill our earth. Apparently because she believes in something I should too :S So since my mom knew I had to tell the rest of the family. We announced it at Thanksgiving with both families and everybody else took it well. I still haven't gotten a congratulations from my mom but whatever. She doesn't have to be an active member of this child's life if she's not going to think of this baby as a blessing.

Dh got a job offer. It's an amazing one and we are moving to San Diego/LA area. He will be a personal poker dealer for Phil Laak, who is a professional poker player. I cannot wait to get away from my mother and the winters here in Michigan. I will miss everybody else and all of my friends, but I cannot wait to move. We are going to take a trip out there in January to scope out the area and learn some things like the better school districts and the better neighborhoods and hopefully look at some rental homes while we're out there. We plan to rent for a year or so and then either build or buy a home. That way we can learn of the area and schools before we put down permanent roots.

Is not going well. I failed my class. Who puts me in a drawing class. I can hardly draw stick figures. Oh well. I'll take it again next semester and won't have to concentrate on the bookwork because I'll have it all comprehended. Then I can focus on the drawing part of the class and pass it. Looks like every class I take i'm gonna have to expect to take it twice, which is fine by me. A little more expensive that way but whatever. As long as I get my degree in the end.

Well I need to get busy cleaning this house. I am hosting my first Christmas Eve dinner. I hope to get the house cleaned and ready by the day before Christmas Eve so I don't have to worry about cleaning and cooking and wrapping presents.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Near breakdown

Today is not a good day. I am near break down. Andrew is being very talkative and won't play. My house is a mess and it's already 4pm. How am I going to get everything done that I need to today. I have studying to do and the whole house to clean, need to do my homework assignments. Oh and don't forget the laundry! How do I let myself get so far behind? Blog to post on, homework to do, rooms to clean, kids to tend to and here I am sitting on my ass on the couch not doing a damn thing. I've been moving since I got up this morning so why don't I have more done! I could just crawl back in bed and start this whole day over again. Wouldn't life be nice if there were a rewind button for it. I do feel a little better but sitting here is not going to get life accomplished. And what the hell am I doing in a drawing class?! I can't draw to save my life and it's just adding to my stress! UGH. I will get through it. I have to!

Friday, November 7, 2008

Finally a normal day!

I've finally changed my wake up time. I got up at about 7:15 this morning with ease. I love getting up in the mornings almost as much as I like sleeping in. LOL. I get so much more done and feel so much better about myself as a person and as a mom when I get up early. I get so much more accomplished throughout the day and couldn't be happier about it. I have all of the rooms on the main floor looking decent. Living with a household of 5 boys it can always use improvement. Now if I could just get up the courage to work on the basement. Andrew and I have a pretty good day today. Not too many tiffs and when we did I held my ground and didn't give in. I tried using some of the Love and Logic ideas and I like how he responds to it.

Erek and I are doing super. We're doing so well I can feel my heart growing. We're trying so hard for a baby. Erek's new anti-depressant/anti-anxiety med was really messing with his ability to finish. It was really making me worried that we wouldn't make my O window. But things are fine in that department.

School has me worried. I have to find that program to be able to finish my class. I know where I put it (on the counter next to th fridge). And now it's gone. I have asked Erek to look behind the fridge but he has yet to. Typical Erek. I ask him to do something and he either does it half assed or it takes days (or in the case of the garage, months). It's driving me crazy. My brother was going to ask his friend if I could borrow his CD. I'll just have to buy the CD again for myself with this month's check. I wish Erek would start stepping up a bit in that area, but if that's the only thing I have to complain about I guess it isn't so bad.

We have a new court date! November 20th we go for Lisa being in contempt. I can't wait for Karma to come bite that lady in the ass. Well I'd better get to bed so I can get up early with my boys and spend time with erek before bed tonight. See-ya all tomorrow.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween

Good morning readers! Today I woke up feeling well. My mom stopped by at about 9:30 and asked me why I didn't go to Andrew's school parade! Can you say guilt trip. I had just woken up and was playing with Nikolas. She told me, and I quote "you need to do it all." Is this lady for real. I so need to move away from this toxic relationship. Ever since then I've had a problem saying motivated. I don't know why I let her get to me. I know she says stuff that is going to bug me but yet I still take it personally. I wish I could do it all. I don't know why I can't. Oh wait I'm human right?! I will never be perfect! I will never get to do it all. She just stresses me out so bad, I want to cry. How does a person handle their mother saying these types of things? She's not perfect, far from it so why does she expect me to be. Haven't I proven my entire life that I'm the bad child?! So why would she still expect perfection! I can't handle it anymore. I will never be good enough for her. I thought a mother's love was suppose to be unconditional. Her's is critical.

I so hope I am not doing to my children, what she has done to me. I know my children aren't perfect but they are perfect in my heart. They are the sweetest, most loving and lively little boys you will ever meet. They still have that sparkle in their eyes when they laugh, play and cry. I know they will grow into great men and that will be all because of me and Erek. Not because of Grandma! Watch she'll try to take credit for it in some way when they are grown! Andrew and Nikolas are so bright and intelligent. I can't wait to start homeschooling them both. I'm still in the research and planning mode. That's just one more thing on my plate but oh it will be so worth it. Well I have major things to get done so that I can do it all. I'd bette get busy.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

October 30th

Today started off well. I got up around 11 am. I got into the shower, and completed my morning routine in good time. I went to run errands and that seems where my day went. I went to the Halloween store and looked for a costume for Andrew. I couldn't find one but did get some cute decorations. I then went to another store and did find a batman costume in Andrew's size. Then I went to my counselor appointment and got alot talked about. I then went to the grocery store and to get the kids. I took the kids to the pumpkin patch. We found some great pumpkins and went thru a corn maze. I got alot of great pictures that will be great for scrapbooking. When we got home, I tried to work on the basement but Mr. Nikolas kept breaking out of the living room so I decided to nix that idea. Then my mom showed up. She took her shoes off and started going downstairs. I told her not to look at the surroundings because it was a work in progress. She commented on my new desk. Said it costs too much money. Seriously it's for my school. What is wrong with that woman! Why can't she just accept that I am not her, nor do I think like her, and I can spend my money any way I damn well please. I have so much hanging over my head I feel like it's going to crush me. Five bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, 2 kitchens, 2 living rooms, a laundry room, an office and all of these damn boys is enough to drive a personal mad! Add in all of the crap and no help and it's intense. Add in the millions of book I want to read, all of the scrapbooking pages I need to do, cross-stitching projects, painting, landscaping and it's so overwhelming. Now I have winter looming and the holidays which just adds to my stressors. I haven't even touched on school yet which I am doing so well in and don't want to fail. Where do I start?!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Wacky Wednesday

Good morning readers! Today started off well. I woke around 10 am again. My ADHD doc office called and told me my ADHD med is now covered by my insurance. What a relief! I finally don't have to pay $135 for a med anymore. I couldn't be happier! I got up, took meds, made my list, made the bed, showered, cleaned the shower, dressed, did hair and make up, swished the toilet, gathered laundry, started laundry, Andrew fed the cats, got Andrew off the bus, Nikolas dressed, diaper bag packed and kids off to daycare. I'm hoping to do 15 minutes in each room on the main level, some crafts, and about an hour of deep cleaning in the kitchen. I also have bowling tonight. Let's hope I can keep my mojo going!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Family Pictures

Today I woke up around 10 am. I'm not sure what's up with me sleeping in lately. DH and I (and my counselor) think it's because I'm out of my Vyvanse. I feel so lost without my ADHD med. We got out family pictures done today. They were of the professional statues, not just going to Sears. We should have the proofs back in a week and I'm so excited to see them. All of the boys were so good. Even with Nikolas not having a nap. Then I got lazy again and layed around on the bed watching TV and resting. I never fell asleep but felt like it. DH and I then went out for Date Nite. Aunt Sue watched the boys and we went out for dinner at Red Lobster and then bowled two games. Erek told me about the message school he is interested in. I told him that I would support him 100% if he quits working to do it. He said he can't because of insurance but with my inheretance I should be able to pay for it and the rest of the bills. So he's now contemplating it. I just don't know what to do with myself lately. I'm so unhappy internally because of how much stuff I have hanging over my head. DH wants to sleep in the bedroom again and I'm almost ready but not at the same time. All of the rooms on the main level need deep cleaning, the yard and the basement are a mess. I'm just so tired of having so many things on my shoulders. I know I want more children and I know it will just make it worse. That's why I'm hoping by offering Erek to stay home we can get this house looking awesome and all of my craft projects worked on. I do look forward to the possibilities.