Good morning readers! Today I woke up feeling well. My mom stopped by at about 9:30 and asked me why I didn't go to Andrew's school parade! Can you say guilt trip. I had just woken up and was playing with Nikolas. She told me, and I quote "you need to do it all." Is this lady for real. I so need to move away from this toxic relationship. Ever since then I've had a problem saying motivated. I don't know why I let her get to me. I know she says stuff that is going to bug me but yet I still take it personally. I wish I could do it all. I don't know why I can't. Oh wait I'm human right?! I will never be perfect! I will never get to do it all. She just stresses me out so bad, I want to cry. How does a person handle their mother saying these types of things? She's not perfect, far from it so why does she expect me to be. Haven't I proven my entire life that I'm the bad child?! So why would she still expect perfection! I can't handle it anymore. I will never be good enough for her. I thought a mother's love was suppose to be unconditional. Her's is critical.
I so hope I am not doing to my children, what she has done to me. I know my children aren't perfect but they are perfect in my heart. They are the sweetest, most loving and lively little boys you will ever meet. They still have that sparkle in their eyes when they laugh, play and cry. I know they will grow into great men and that will be all because of me and Erek. Not because of Grandma! Watch she'll try to take credit for it in some way when they are grown! Andrew and Nikolas are so bright and intelligent. I can't wait to start homeschooling them both. I'm still in the research and planning mode. That's just one more thing on my plate but oh it will be so worth it. Well I have major things to get done so that I can do it all. I'd bette get busy.
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So sorry she's still being like that Nat. I know how non confrontational you are so that makes it even more difficult. I used to be that way, but I finally gained enough self confidence to realize I don't need her approval. I just told her that I had my ways, and she had her's, and that if she didn't like mine, not to come to my house. My house, my rules, and my kids, my rules when I'm with them. No if's, and's, or but's about it.
I know your not to the point yet hun, but I'm sure one day you will be. I'm here for ya every step of the way!
Chris
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